Meet our featured beauty with brains Chandni Ravi, an immensely brave and a very inspirational lady who has battled many obstacles in life including cancer but have never let anything dampen her spirits and positivity. She recently shared an experience with us with some advice which we feel is truly invaluable.
Here is what she shared:
“I have friends from every culture ranging from 5 to 90+. I find it is a great way to be connected and to really keep me in perspective and grounded.
I have a friend who has turned 90 recently. We became friends around 15 years ago in Sydney. We bonded and she would open up to me time to time. I met her while she stayed with her children, to witness her being shifted to an old age home in Sydney CBD.
I would still visit her regularly and she would tell me nuances of life and experiences. Each time I visit her, I would have an eye-opener and most of the time I would come out with a heavy heart. Each time we go there, we would wonder what would be our fate when we get to that age.
She would say, Chintu (my nick name), remember you only live life once.
- When you have children, in a frantic rush to nurture your children, you forget your partner and you move on. Once the kids have left home , the gap is too far and readjusting with your partner becomes tough. You become 2 different individuals with nothing in common.
Prioritise the people in your life. Your partner first, then children, then your extended family.
- Have a good savings account for you and your partner. Never disclose the amount to your children. They will have 1001 needs and it is unfair to say you wont help them.
- Never sell all your properties and move in with your children. If there is a fall out, or you want to take a break, you have nowhere to go.
- Visit your home country as much as you can. As you grow older, the people you love pass on and the next time you go, you only see their photos. Never postpone visits.
- Have your own circle of friends. It is hard to be friends with your children’s friends and their parents.
- Avoid the habit of giving free advice. Open your mouth only when you are asked for an opinion, else kids stop telling you anything and start finding you a nuisance.
- Just because you looked after your children sincerely or too sincerely, it doesn’t mean they will. Cease expectation. You just did your duty.
- Remember that you cant reprimand your kids their whole lives. They only listen while they stay with you. If you continue your style, they will say many a thing you don’t wish to hear.
- Schedule your own set of activities and hobbies so you don’t have to depend and get disappointed.
- Visit your parents and siblings as much as you can. Call them regularly. When they pass on, the void becomes unbearable. As you get older, you will get illness, deafness etc and everything becomes an effort. You really don’t know what tomorrow has in store for you.
- When your children are with you, take it easy. Build good memories, as it is memories which will get you going in later life. Make sure you take them for funerals as they will get an idea, today or some day, your turn will come.
I would always feel sad when I met her as the advice was real. In my last meet with her, we were sitting on the lounge. She was happy to see me as she said it gave her a chance to talk in Malayalam, which had become a rare luxury for her.
Suddenly she showed an old lady in a wheelchair dozing away. She told me “See that lady? She is 105 years old and demented. Her son was in another aged care and has passed away. No-one has visited her for months. Thankfully she isn’t aware.
Is that a blessing in disguise?
Love
Chandni Ravi.”
Empowered Brave Women Building Futures 