Meet our featured beauty with brains Roxanne Wilkins Gately, an entrepreneur based in Sydney, Australia. She is a truly inspirational woman who refused to let adversity defeat her. Here is her story.
“I have never believed that having brains is always about being academic, as I was never academic, but I knew I could succeed in a way that was more creative and heart-felt.
Though my journey was one that I had not planned, it certainly took me on a path of learning, and educating my heart.
Being young (24), naïve and with little confidence, I met a man who adored me – with no idea he could be an alcoholic, not until we had our first child, did this come to light. I thought I could change him, support him and it would be ok, but it was hell. He slowly sucked away my energy, my confidence and my joy.
I had my beautiful baby girl (Holly) who filled my heart, and I nurtured her and protected her through it. There was no physical violence, it was anger, control and just words – but there is no ‘just words’. Words are powerful and bruise you on the inside.
Of course there were good times too, I would often see the man I fell in love with, and also see the broken man, that I wanted to help heal. We separated a few times, and I was on my own. It was peaceful and I gained strength and more confidence, but I always fell for the ‘I have changed’ line, and we were back together.
He tried to stop drinking, and I believed he had when we decided to have a second child, and our big girl, Holly, was now 4. I was two months pregnant when he walked in drunk with vodka, and told me he hadn’t stopped, he was just hiding it, and he couldn’t hide it anymore. He was crying and asking for help but the next day he forgot it all.
There came an afternoon, when I was 3 months pregnant, and took longer than he expected to pick up Holly from a friend’s house. He flew into a rage and told me to leave! I pulled all of what courage and dignity I had, together, to go to my parents’ house again.
This time, I stayed there. And yes, when you stand up, and leave, it makes them angrier. It was a horrible time between me and him. There were relentless phone calls, threats of him taking his own life, or mine, or our daughter’s, not much fun when you are going through the last part of your pregnancy, alone.
I soldiered on, supporting my daughter and her heart. I was looking at all the ways to help my child through this, and I did. She is so sweet and kind and emotionally intelligent. She saved money to buy things to make gift bags to hand out personally to the homeless!
When the time came, he wanted to be there for the birth, he was kind and gentle and supportive, as he can be, but it didn’t last, he didn’t visit often when I was in hospital. And I went back to my parents’ house with my new baby on my own, something I had never dreamt of.
The battles of being a single parent, both physical and psychological, are constant, and so hard. You can feel alone and isolated at times. But I honestly did an amazing job, I knew that my children needed and deserved a safe and happy place to grow and enjoy their childhood. I had so much love to give, and the girls lapped it up.
This is where I found myself, and my calling. I became a business woman, an entrepreneur!
I began designing my own unique product for children. Nurture Cards ~ Positive Thought Cards. I came up with 40 supportive and loving and positive quotes, drew the pictures to match the quotes, found a printer, and ordered 1000 boxes! I created a website and registered my business! The cards were designed to help children create an inner self-belief, self-worth and a positive way of thinking from a young age. Just what I needed when I was a child, and what I felt would help children going through a divorce, or bullying or any negative life situation.
I then put a lot of energy into somehow getting my new product ‘out there’, with little finance, working a job during the day, and working on my business after the girls were in bed. Finding avenues to advertise and sell my newly created product was hard work and I often second guessed myself, that if this was something that people would like or even understand. But I could see their value and it was my passion, I knew that they could really help young children in an important way, so I kept on going. If only I knew how exhausted my body was.
I crashed into depression, with anxiety, when my youngest daughter was about 5. My partner, who I had left, had gone into re-hab and was now 2 years sober, and going to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). He was changing into a better man. He was now in a place to support me, and he did.
I was so unwell, my whole body was physically exhausted, and I just cried for no reason. It took a hundred doctors and lots of medical tests to find the answer. It is an awful feeling when you don’t know why you are falling apart.
With medication, I did get better and found my feet again. The support of my loving family was amazing, and relentless. I was unwell for so long. What my husband would say, that really helped, was ‘It is not going to be forever, I know it feels like it, but it’s not forever.’ With this I could look forward to the future, I felt I had hope.
Ten years later, I was still struggling with my health, it turned to Chronic Fatigue so bad, that I slept most of the day and was too tired to think or feel. I would hug my girls and feel nothing. It was hell, a living coma.
I struggled to keep on top of my business, but somehow I did what I could to keep it going.
I have moved through that now, and doing better. My partner is now eleven years sober, such a fantastic effort and we married 4 years ago. Just to forgive and work through the past was something else! This ‘Happily Ever After’ is hard work!
My girls are so kind, loving, thoughtful, strong, independent, wise, fun and funny. I am so proud of them and myself.
My business is finally successful, I have sold 5,000 boxes of Nurture Cards, including international sales. The feedback I get is just so heart warming,so wonderful and means so much to me. My cards are being used by counsellors, teachers, refugee supporters and disability services.
I had a strong belief in myself, and what I had created. From a naïve young girl, I have come so far. It has certainly not been an easy journey, but I can see it has taught me so much, strengthened me, and helped me to find confidence in who I am and what I can achieve.”
Feel free to check out her website http://www.nurturecards.com.au
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